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The Positive Side Spring 2003
Volume 6, Issue2
Women's Words: Brigitte Charbonneau
Brigitte Charbonneau, 56
Ottawa, Ontario
Diagnosed with HIV: 1994
CD4 count: 775
Viral load: undetectable
Vice-chair of Bruce House.
The meds and my HIV status affect my sex drive. Sex drive? What does that look like? What does it feel like? I had to resort to testosterone shots once a month. This month I had my fourth shot, and my sex drive is slowly coming back. I know it’ll never be what it was before I was diagnosed, but if I didn’t take the shot, my partner would have to wait for sometimes even three months. We’ve been together six years and I’ve never heard a complaint from him.
Intercourse isn’t one of the things I’m into, because I’m terrified, even if my partner wears a condom. But we do have it sometimes. I try to protect him from getting infected. I wouldn’t let anyone get infected like I was. I live with HIV and I know what it’s like. So we improvise a lot. We’re into sex toys, movies, the Internet. I call this a healthy sexual relationship.
I don’t know what I’d do if my partner and I split up. I feel totally blessed. He’s the first man who’s accepted me for who I am. He also loves my grandchildren as his own. When we met, I didn’t tell him about my status for the first six months. When I finally did, the only thing he asked me was: “Do I have to worry about anything?” I said “never,” and it was never brought up again.
This relationship is a safe haven for me. My second husband infected me with HIV. I lived away from home for a long time, but I kept going back to him because I thought he was the only man I could have sex with. I went back not because of love or respect, but because of sex. Now I know the world can be filled with love and respect.
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